While this year none of my favorite teams made it very far into the post season, I cannot say that I have not enjoyed watching the playoffs thus far. I have had the distinct pleasure of watching the demise of a baseball club of which I loathe more than anything else on the planet. I thought I would take this time to share my jubilation with you by giving you the top ten reasons I hate the New York Yankees.
Top Ten Reasons I Hate The New York Yankees
10. This year in the playoffs they lost to the team with the single most homosexual name in professional sports; the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. First of all, that name doesn't even make sense considering Los Angeles and Anaheim are two separate cities, and on top of that, it's a name created for fairies. The only nationally known team with a more homosexual name is the collegiate level Rainbow Warriors of Hawaii. Either way, these fairies were still more masculine than the Yankees and hurt them. Good for them.
9. Despite only winning for one third of this season, they still managed to fool people into thinking they were the favorites to win the World Series. This is simply because they've always won. People are so worthless in their thinking that they immediately jump on the "Sure Fire Yankees Bandwagon" the second they win a game or two. This was a deflated team with a few patches that only held their hot air for a short while. Guess what, they lost. You suck.
8. Their big acquisition during the off season was Randy Johnson. They believed this was the kind of experience they needed in their bullpen to win another World Series after they were beaten wonderfully by the Red Sox last year. I tear up every time I think of it. They problem is this: Randy Johnson is old, hurt, and he sucks. Now they lost and they know that. Fantastic.
That's just not right.....
7. Jason Giambi still plays for them. He cheated. This is a man who voluntarily stuck a needle into his ass in order to make himself get bigger. Undoubtedly this isn't the only foreign substance he's had in his ass repeatedly that made him bigger. Steroid users should be banned from baseball, and all sports for that matter. Instead, they've decided to nominate him as an MVP Candidate. I hope he dies.
6. Gary Sheffield's abillity to throw a hissy fit like a little girl and have everyone bend over for him. The man was threatened to be traded so that the team could aquire some real players who were willing to sell their soul to Satan and play for this team, but his tactic to avoid such a trade was to play half ass. He promised that if he was traded to any other team, he wouldn't play to his full potential and cause the other teams to lose. Be a fucking man and do your job. Swing the bat. Ass.
Yooouuuu're out!..... of dignity.
5. Flagrant homosexual behavior exuded by the members of the outfield. They've often times been seen on top of each other while trying to share the glory of catching balls with each other.
Their most effective closer is the Taco Bell Dog.
I can't tell which is which.3.
The obvious homosexual relationship that has developed between Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez. These two are madly in love, and it's distracting to the game of baseball. We turn on the tv to watch a good and decent game, but we have to see these two humping each other all night. I hope they both contract numerous diseases.
That's not even close to a "chest bump."2.
This team tries to go out and buy championships, rather than develop teams from within and give younger players a shot. This year alone the New York Yankees spent $205,958,439 on payroll alone. That is more than Kansas City, Tampa Bay, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Cleveland and Toronto COMBINED. These assholes even paid an additional $30,367,531 in luxury taxes because they went over the salary cap. That's less than $6,000,000 less than all of Kansas City's payroll. Despite all this money they spent, they still lost. Justice is served, now eat shit.1.
They're the fucking Yankees. Enough said.
I'm going to adopt this kid. Awesome.
While my Chicago Cubs may never win the World Series in my lifetime, I am still content because each and every time the Yankees lose, I have a little party in my head. Life is good.